drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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