my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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