Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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