i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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