the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You ruined the universe
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize