I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
