I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
