The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
