my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
