Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
