new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
