I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
