drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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