Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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