Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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