I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
