Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
