That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
