Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize