Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
