Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
