When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
