I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
