I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
His nipple licking is glorious
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