using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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