i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
