There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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