He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
