The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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