And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
