She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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