I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
