I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize