Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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