WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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