If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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