If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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