I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Where did you get a picture of my penis
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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