someone owes me an orgasm
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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