your parents love me but you hate me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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