he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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