Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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