I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
