you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
