she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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