Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
