i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
