we're chasing vodka with high fives
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
