We won't sleep together?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
