he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
