did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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