it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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