He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He felt like a one man threesome
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize