why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
