My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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