i just had sex bonerless
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
how does that bad decision feel?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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