ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
