I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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