I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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