How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
