Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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