Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
