I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
