Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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