the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
