i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
