I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
