ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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