hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
