What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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