I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We have started to decorate penises.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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