I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
