Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
