I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
nutella sex= disaster
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
